Sunday, January 15, 2012

Letting Go...

I happened upon this post a few minutes ago. It seems there is a lot of letting go going around. I mentioned in a previous post that I was getting rid of SOMETHING every day. I have been doing that for almost three weeks. The Yellow Box has some of old clothes, the Paper Recycling Box has old books, Arnold's has pounds of old metal from the garage and an avid knitter has a slew of knitting mags and a big trash bag full of yarn! The trash has also been a destination daily for many things that needed to just

My work is cut out for me. I have accumulated so much in the 8 years I have lived in this house. I am trying to be a more careful consumer. I don't want to take two steps back with each step forward!

I have a stack of good arty & quilty books that I want to sell...maybe ebay. Not sure how all that goes. It has been on my list of things to do for years! Maybe I was waiting for NOW.

So every day I will continue to toss, donate and share something, until I feel I am sufficiently uncluttered.
In 1997 I had a liberating letting go when I moved with my son & daughter to a two bedroom apartment from a big farmhouse. All my bedroom furniture was forfeited, since for 6 years I had no bedroom to house it. The living room couch was my bed. I didn't mind.

A few years later all my stored belongings had to be trashed. Very sentimental, childhood memento's were covered in mold. I still remember the day I  threw away boxes of albums. Albums that were important to me for various reasons. Many things that I had dragged along with me for five moves. It pained me. But in the end it is only "things".
So I have had much experience letting go of things.

It is the letting go of  habits, people and high hopes, that are more difficult. They take more emotionally. Harder than the "thing" thing.
This is a year of changes. Some I see right in front of me, some I suspect are on the horizon.

Michael leaves in a few short weeks for boot camp in Oklahoma. When he goes, he is done with life in my care. He will be a soldier and in June, a husband.  His room will become part of the letting go. It is the end of an era for me, the mother. My main roll, my first roll...mother.  My kids are on their own now, no more in the wings! I have to let go of  what has defined me since I was 21 years old.

Work has been getting increasingly more trying both physically and mentally over the last year. I have questioned my stamina to carry on like this for 4 more years. I hope to have options. Of the 33 years with the same company I have been in this position for almost 16 of them, the longest time in one job in all that time.

I have rejoined, again, Weight Watchers. I will be letting go of  pounds this year! I so want to let go of the letting go of WW and stick it out to Lifetime.

Will be letting go of some tree lumber and some acres. High hopes.

So I have my 51st year on earth cut out for me. I suspect there are going to be a few things this year that are not unexpected, but will be the epitome of letting go. I wish to be wrong.

I have learned:

  1. I so enjoy reading Stephen King. 11/22/63 is my current read. He is  so adept at nailing each characters essence. The storyline is secondary for me.
  2. Ricky Gervais is funny. The accent doesn't hurt. 
  3. Shock Wave Therapy done. I should see results within six months with the plantars fascitis.
  4. The Decemberists. Good listen. 
  5. My carnival challenge for guild is 90% finished. I do have 5 more days!


Colleen Anderson said...

I love and echo your thoughts, my friend. Smiling the knowing smile now, I empathize with your year of changes...empty nesting, will handle it all with grace, or with tears, or with wine...whatever it takes. These changes in a woman's life are heartwrenching to be way around it though...only through it. Colleen

Nicki Lee said...

Kahti - I'm not going to sugar coat it so trust me when I tell you that letting go of the fact that you are no longer a "taking care of" mother is the hardest thing you'll ever do. My boys have been out of my home for over 15 years and I still cry about it. The one thing great about it is knowing that they are living their lives and learning as they go along - and that they know MOM is always there for them with an open heart and arms.

Change.... it is part of life and all we can do is suck it up and make the best of it....I know you will!